Ah, the ’80s—a time of neon, shoulder pads, and cassette tapes. And how ‘bout them parachute pants?! I swear I can still hear that exact swish-swish sound they made when someone strutted the school hallways with them on.
If grew up in that decade (and, now, you’re having flashbacks, lol) I wanna ask you scan for something in your mind’s eye, okay? Take a sec and think… did you ever hear anyone talking about mental health? EVER? The most I can recall were, God help me, hushed surreptitious whispers of someone ‘being in the looney bin.’
Not only was mental health rarely discussed openly, but the words ‘emotional well-being’ woulda been laughed at scornfully. “Just tough it out” attitudes were rampant.
Anyone remember Kerri Strug, collapsing to her knees in agony after landing that vault at the ‘96 Olympics? I still have that clip in my head of a grinning Bela Karolyi eyes shining with glory holding Kerri in his arms, her face a rictus of pain, grimacing tight-jawed grin, eyes still filled with tears spilling and drying in jagged salty streaks down her cheeks.
Remember wanting to be as tough as her? I sure as shit do. What the hell were we thinking?!!
Now, we’ve got queens like Simone Biles who, while not of our generation, sure has wisdom that whole hell of a lot more of us need whatever our age! The way she trusted herself, the need for resting and regrouping, and her own unique process… YES, GOAT OF GYMNASTICS AND QUEEN OF MENTAL HEALTH!!!!!!
I have a theory
One of the reasons we have so much changing in the world of mental health is because we’re the generation that vowed to do better than our parents, have more ability to do so, and have implemented our learnings with our children. Even so, many of us are still operating under harsh expectations and treatment of ourselves as we navigate the complexities of modern life stepping up to the sandwich generation counter of our lives.
We’ve come to realize there’s A LOT we weren’t taught back then. And those missing lessons are showing up with challenges with our mental well-being today.
Here are a few mental health gems we never learned in the ’80s that could’ve made a world of difference to our mental health as adults.
Emotions Aren’t a Sign of Weakness
Back in the ’80s, feelings were something you just dealt with privately or, more often, buried deeper than the mystery of who shot JR. If you were upset, you were told to “get over it” or “man up,” especially as a guy. Yeeeeesh. Crying was out of the question unless you were at a funeral, and vulnerability? I believe many of us were told to target it in others, Lawdamercy!
But now we have ample evidence that suppressing emotions doesn’t make them go away—we pay a price for repressing them and they come out all cattywumpus, anyways! Anxiety, anger, grief—they’re emotions we learned to shove deep into the recesses of ourselves.
Today, we’re learning that embracing our emotions isn’t namby-pamby, wishy-washy stuff. It’s vitally necessary. Our emotions are how we can tap into our own unique innate wisdom to find exhilarating engagement in life. Emotional health is about recognizing what we’re feeling, allowing the experiencing of it, and then panning for the gold nuggets of clarity and meaning that are SURELY there, dear soul. Whether you do this through journaling, therapy, or talking with trusted beloveds, understanding that feelings are valid and knowing how to move with and through them enhances life immeasurably!
Self-Care Is Not Selfish
If you grew up in the ’80s, you likely had parents or caregivers who prided themselves on their work ethic—hustling through long hours, taking on jobs they loathed, rarely taking breaks. I remember my dad studying into the wee smas of the night as he worked on his second master’s degree while working demanding jobs he took to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table.
“Burnout” wasn’t a term I heard anyone around me use. The idea that you’d take time out for yourself to rest and simply breathe woulda been laughable, thought of like a luxury for lazy people who had lax morals.
Fast-forward to today, and we’re finally realizing how essential self-care is for keeping it together in a fast-paced, stress-filled world. Self-care isn’t about extravagant spa days (although I wish them for everyone who wants them!); it’s more about creating boundaries, resting when you need to, and making space for things that bring us joy and peace. If we’d learned that earlier, come on now, maybe we wouldn’t feel so damn guilty every time we prioritize our own well-being!
Mental Health Isn’t Just About Crisis Management
In the ’80s, therapy and mental health services were often seen as something you only needed if you were in crisis. You went to therapy after a major breakdown, divorce, or if someone *really* thought you were “losing it.” Therapy wasn’t a regular part of life; it was a last resort.
Today, we understand that mental health maintenance is just as important as physical health. Therapy is a tool to help us navigate life before we hit a crisis point. It’s a space to process emotions, work through trauma, and even grow personally. If we’d been taught that taking care of our mental health could prevent bigger issues later on, a lot of us might’ve started the healing process way earlier.
Burnout Isn’t a Badge of Honor
In the ’80s, working yourself to exhaustion was almost a status symbol. Long hours, over-scheduling, and never taking a break were praised as signs of being a hard worker or a good parent. We absorbed that message, and many of us took it into our adulthood, believing that if we weren’t exhausted, we weren’t trying hard enough.
Now, burnout is recognized for what it truly is: a mental, emotional, and physical collapse that’s not sustainable. We’re learning that rest is productive. Saying “no” isn’t lazy, it’s necessary. Prioritizing mental health helps us show up in all aspects of our lives without running on empty.
Perfectionism Is Toxic
Remember the pressure to be perfect? Perfect grades, perfect body, perfect job— so many of us were so consumed with the “perfect image.” Social media may not have been a thing back then, (thank all that is good and holy in the world as I think I woulda really fucked up my life with that at that age) but we still faced constant pressure to look like we had it all together. Perfectionism was silently celebrated, even as it led to CUH-RUSHING anxiety and self-criticism.
Perfection has been revealed as the illusion it always was, and we’ve learned that chasing it will wreck your mental health. It’s a-okay to make mistakes, to fail, to be gorgeously, refreshingly human. Perfectionism is like a treadmill that never stops—you can’t win the race, but you’ll inevitably burn out trying. Releasing the need for perfection and embracing our imperfections is an ongoing process, but it’s one that saves us from a lot of unnecessary stress. Put that shit in your rearview mirror.
Boundaries Aren’t a Dirty Word
In the ’80s, boundaries weren’t something we talked about. Raise your hand if you were told that saying “no” was seen as disrespectful, rude, selfish, or ungrateful. I’m imagining a vast multitude of hands thrusting up into the air and hoping the power of that doesn’t whip up any tornadoes anywhere!
We did what was expected, kept our damn mouths shut, and made EVERYONE ELSE happy. If your boss called you after hours, you answered. If your family needed something, you dropped everything. If your friends pressured you, it felt impossible to resist.
It’s completely understandable. We just wanted to belong and be seen as “good” or “worthy.”
Thank the powers that be that now, boundaries are recognized as vital and essential to our mental health well-being. They protect our precious energy and allow us to show up fully in the areas that matter most to US. Learning to say “no” is deliciously empowering and invigorating and helps us avoid resentment, exhaustion, and overwhelm. What if we’d been taught that in the ’80s—seriously. How much more peace, ease, and strength might we have been able to feel and manifest in the world today?
It’s Okay to Ask for Help
As Gen Xers, we were raised with a fierce sense of independence. We were the latchkey kids, the ones who had to figure things out on our own. Sure, those experiences built resilience, but we were taught that asking for help meant you were weak. If you couldn’t handle something by yourself, why, you pansy-ass, you just weren’t trying hard enough!! Yuck. A. Roo.
The truth is, asking for help is one of the most courageous things we can do. I’ve got mad admiration for anyone who does the very hard work of unlearning the lie that we’re supposed to manage everything on our own. We NEED each other!!!
Whether it’s reaching out to a therapist, confiding in a friend, or even delegating tasks at work, we don’t have to go it alone. Mental health isn’t a solo mission, and there’s strength in recognizing when we need support.
Vulnerability Creates Connection
Back in the ’80s, being vulnerable was something to avoid at all costs. If you shared too much or let your guard down, you risked being seen as weak or emotional. But vulnerability has always at the heart of genuine connection in all relationships. Hellllooooo, Breakfast Club!!!
Opening up and being real with those around us fosters deeper, more meaningful relationships. We do not have to be strong and stoic all the time—my god, that’s so exhausting! We get to be human with our needs, longings and fears. Embracing our flaws along with our strengths allows us so much more of the peace and joy we so richly deserve in our lives.
Moving Forward with What We’ve Learned
The ’80s may have helped shaped us, but let’s go ahead and shed ideas and ways of being that no longer serves us. As Gen Xers, we have the opportunity to rewrite the script when it comes to what mental health well-being looks like and feels like at our ages. Whether it’s through therapy, self-reflection, or simply talking more openly about our struggles, we can be the architects of lives that excite us and shape the generations to come.
